#16

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
-WILL ROGERS

What keeps you from asking for support?
I was just talking to my sister last night about how I wish I had more friends that wanted to do stuff. I want to taking cooking classes and I think it'd be nice to share that experience with a friend. I want to do this, I want to do that... and yet, when I think of who I could ask to join me, my mind goes blank. For the longest time in my life I thought that I was just waiting. Just waiting for the universe to part the skies and drop down a handful of people that would become my friends forever. At least that's what I told myself when my current friends seemed to not understand or get on my nerves.
In all honesty, it's me who sometimes don't know what I want or what kind of friend I wish to be. I sometimes have that miraculous ability to project the exact opposite of what I want. How can I expect someone to exude certain qualities in the relationship of friendship when I can't even have the courage to be the friend I wanna be? It appears to be a vicious cycle or at least my mind tells me it is.
I heard today on a church service my dad was watching that when people "walk away" from your life, it means that weren't meant to be apart of your destiny. While I think it's a little harsh, I feel there is some truth to it. We spend most of our lives seeking approval through friends, strangers, and family. We hardly ever ask ourselves throughout the day how we're feeling and even rarely wait long enough to hear the answer.
Today, I am doing absolutely okay.
I'm thinking about the people that have come and gone in my life and how I once thought they were meant to be around forever. Not that it was a bad thing to think that, but we sometimes forget that the natural progression of life applies to our own.
I'm blessed enough to have friends who know parts of me, none of me, and all of me. I cherish them in my own ways and try to find the love amidst the urge to strangle them at times.
I'm just lucky and what keeps me from asking for support is failing to realize that.

I am open.