#12

"The way to love anything is to realize it may be lost."-G.K CHESTERON


What do you have an abundant supply of?
I missed a couple of questions due to homework and enjoying a day out with my friend but here I am back to the grind of gratitude. Over tea with my best friend, I realize how randomly I start to feel bummed out about things. She has recently been blessed with a touch of luck in love and is feeling the fruits of mutual affection. She deserves it so much and is worthy being treated like the wonderful being she is. I feel so happy for her, but like the selfish being I am at times it makes me feel my losses. Hearing her repeated words said by the man of her affection makes me think of my man lost. Lost somewhere in translation and my possible naive ability to let go. I think of him and the way his smile took up too much of his face. I feel absolutely okay with the status of where we are at, but I feel the muscles yearn for him at times. What am I holding on to? I simply wish to move forward, yet keep a piece of him. I don't want to lose a person forever simply because a falling out was had. I have an abundant supply of love even if at times I'm blissfully unaware of it. I love those my mind encourages me not to and my dreams further terrorize me into my grief. Can I just be truthful here? In the deepest part of me I feel hope for something. I hold on because something is still telling me to hold on. Sure, months from now I may lose that feeling but for now I just sigh patiently and listen. I don't turn down invitations or wait by my telephone. I just keep him in mind in certain times of the day. Maybe that means denying I'm waiting for him, maybe that means something more.
Whatever it is, a glimpse into the highest version of myself is apparent...
I am abundant in faith.

I am strong.